Gym Shorts: Some assembly required; stripping optional

Bike Assembly 101: be prepared for the small print and the possibility of stripping! These are what really hit me when I started to assemble my new spin bike.

I knew there would be some assembly involved. But reading the instructions in what I think was very small six-point-sized Roman font was ridiculously challenging. Oh, and there was some stripping of the L-wrench involved as well.

But let me back pedal a bit first. Alas, I am no longer going to my favourite gym in town to work out with my gym pack. Since I decided to train as a volunteer SMART fitness instructor for VON here in Kincardine, I made a number of changes to my work-out routine in 2024. Change is always good, right?

This year, I have been faithfully going to the VON SMART classes during the week in Ripley as part of that training. But I was still missing something and I realized it was my old stationary exercise bike.

Biking was something my replacement knees were sorely missing. It’s hard to ride in winter unless you go to a gym, are part of a spin class or have a stationary bike at home.

I got rid of my stationary exercise bike last summer. It was a trusty “Participation Bike” that I’d had for about 20 years. And while this beast was old, it was sturdy and worked well over the years. But because I was a member of a gym, going three times a week for the past three years, I did not use the bike. Plus, I bike outside in the summer. So, here it was winter, 2024, and I was lamenting about my old exercise bike.
 
I really hadn’t expected Brad to do any stripping while assembling a bike. But that’s exactly what happened. The little L-shaped screwdrivers that came with the bike kit, took a beating and weren’t up to the complete assembly.

We were doing well until Tracey decided to join in and … help. Hovering next to us, she picked up one of the pedals yet to be attached. We all heard an audible gasp. That was me thinking, “Good grief, if she puts it on the wrong pedal gear arm, it’s ride no more.”

The pedal gears would be stripped and become useless if improperly installed. I had read that you had to be careful to place the pedals on the correct sides. Once again, the potential for stripping while assembling the bike had my head spinning. So now it was Tracey who could be doing the potential stripping. What a couple!

I had to put the brakes on and take back control, and, more importantly, because I’m an idiot, I announced that three strippers around the bike was one too many … or something along those lines.

Tracey left with some resistance and her bottom lip in a pout. I felt badly but it had to be done. She joined Jim upstairs in isolation … relaxing in one of the two lazy chairs. Brad and I then jumped to what we thought was the finish line as we assembled the last pieces – the intimidating pedals.

The final step was the app install which did not go well. My phone was scanning the bike’s QR code but not downloading the bike app that came with it. It was at this point that Brad said dryly, “We need our tech support expert in here.” I had just kicked out Tracey, who is knowledgeable in all things technology-related.

Now, we had to ask her to tap-back in. I slumped upstairs trying to come up with an apology that would woo her downstairs to help with the on-line app. Luckily, Tracey took mercy on us and got that sucker loaded onto my phone.

I am happy to report that this gear-head is back in the saddle, spinning three times a week as I tour the back roads of China … while a fitness instructor in the smaller window of the screen yells at me to mash it harder.